Pupdate from the Crate: BIGggggg News!!

HEY EVERYONE!  I have B - I - G news!  My mom says that we are gonna have a new little bald puppy in May 2017!  Ya huh!  :)  :)  And this is the coolest part - it's gonna be living with Murray, my cousin dog!  Now, finally, he gets to see what it's been like for me with having Sawyer in all my stuff and scaring the daylights out of me sometimes and then sometimes just freaking out and then crying and then laughing and then stinking up the house.

My mom says that my people-sister, Leslie and her husband Joe, made up the most awesome ever announcement and that they are so excited about having the best day ever that they goofed up the date on the picture but nobody cares cause no body can even ever go backward and have anything happen, let alone a baby be borned.
 
 


 
So this is their picture!  When I saw it, I freaked out cause I though a baby got arrested and then I panicked and that made mom eee-splain to me about where babies come from cause I don't know and then I got grossed out about the "the talk" cause it seems that people babies are made a bit like puppy babies and when I got to thinking about that, and to me, it seems pretty unpleasant that my people sister and her guy would be out in the front yard naked jumping on each other and wrestling.  UGH.

Not that my people-sister isn't pretty, cause she is bee-you-tee-full and my Joe is a stud-cupcake (Ardie!  no it's "muffin" - not cupcake - you weirdo), but still my mind is trying to block out that picture of all that and just focus on the new bald puppy coming soon!

THEN - I thought about how puppies are made and if what mom says is TRUE - well, I'm even more Deeees-gusted cause I think I tried to make a puppy on Murray's head the last time we wrestled together!  Blech! 

So, now while mom is having the best day ever cause she can run around and talk and talk and talk about the new baby coming, I have to keep busy and so I found a cool sheep on the bed in the spare room and got busy with it.

Used to be, that I could not go in the spare room cause it had a closed tight door, but NOW I sleep in the spare room with mom cause she says the new bed sucks and she isn't gonna sleep on that thing for love nor money and dad tried to give her money the other day to cuddle with him in that stupid bed and then mom must have gotten upset cause she got all wiggly and a great rumpus started like I've never seen before and I think I blacked out for about 45 seconds, but when I came to, mom said - NOT NO! NUH UH!  I'm not coming back here until the new bed comes" and I heard Dad saying some prayers that started with "Dear Jesus....."

Anyway - back to the sheep.  So, I got the sheep and plucked out his eyes and ripped off his nose and then got the stuffing out of his head and it was the BEST DAY EVER I thought, but then mom got on the phone and I played and played and who knew that sheep feet are loaded with little beady things!   Woooo  hoooo!  Those things go every where!  Like snow inside!

But mom says it was her fault cause she should have taken the sheep away right away, and now it's in the trash.  But... I want to show you a picture of the stuff I leave alone!  Ya huh!  See that giant thing on the door?  Well - that freaked me out and I leave THAT alone.  I will go by it when a bell goes off in my house - which means a person has appeared on the other side of that door, but then, I go away - pretty fast.

See!  I'm almost a good boy!!  Wow - that was a lot of news, eh?  Well, mom says it's been building up and she says that now that she can talk about the new baby, well - it's likely that the city will warm up several degrees as all her hot air and excitedness gets out of her!  Good news for the people I guess. . . . .

So that's it!  We are busy thinking up names for the new baby and I keep yelling "Sheepy!  Sheepy!" but mom says NOARDIE!, people are never named "sheepy" and so I have to think more. 

Hope you are having the BEST DAY EVER and xox to everyone one!  

Love, Ardie the Destroyer

 
 



Pupdate from the Crate: Swirly Fishing and Scary Things

Hey, hey, hey....guys...guys....guess what?  Oh Hi.  Well here is what I have to say today about being scared of stuff that is happening right now but I'm gonna show something I'm NOT scared of and you will think I'm really really brave!

So you see this?  Mom brought this in from someplace I don't know about and took off the cover and ta-da!  This is here and nope, I didn't even bark once and I didn't even mess with with it cause it seems to be special and Dad said "oh grrrreat!  I can't wait to get the phone call about this." And mom said no dog before me, not even Bruno ever touched this, so I'm not gonna either (but I did try to examine the broom thing a little closer and I got a LOOK from mom and so I just stepped away).  I'm pretty brave, unless it is a stuffed rabbit sitting on a horsey when you least expect it.

Since there was that incident with the aliens in the house last week, Mom thought for sure I would freak out about this, but I'm just fine with it.  But guess what I'm NOT so fine with?  What is happening outside, something Mom calls FALL and stuff gets ON me from everywhere!  It is falling from the sky, something ruffles my fur, probably an invisible alien trying to touch me, and it is NOISY!  All kinds of spooky noises come from the "up-there" and then everything on the ground moves around and goes swirly around me.  I never know where to look next.  🙀🙀🙀. Sorry, I had to use a scaredy cat emoji cause they don't make dog faces, but you get it.

So another thing I learned new was something mom calls "fishing" and I didn't even know I was doing it!  I learned about it real fast when mom called dad in a hurry up after she found a ton of really wet little wads of stuff all on her bedroom floor and saw a trail of water leading back to dad's swirly room.

So what happened, was that I was going there to get a drink out of the swirly, cause dad leaves the swirly open just for me, and what do you know but hey! there was floaty stuff in there!  Hah!  Dad left me something to play with!  

Now don't freak out, cause mom did really really bad when she saw it and called dad in giant panic DEMANDING to know if he did something called "flushed" that morning or if he thought I ate people poop out of the swirly.  Blech.....does she think I'd do THAT?   hmmmm......

Boy was she fired up!  All I was doing was playing in the swirly with the floaty paper stuff then it stuck to me so I got it off on the carpet and I did it again and again till all of it was out, even ALL the water in there.

Well, I heard mom say to dad "THIS IS NOT FUNNY!" And he told her it was just clean water, and yes, he flushed cause he isn't a complete moron, and every morning after he makes himself beautiful, he wipes his sink and counter with clean toilet paper.  He forgot to flush after that part, so she should be happy he is keeping his bathroom clean......

Wow.  That was a tense time.  I keep going back looking for something to play with in the swirlys we have around here but mom seems to be one step ahead of me. 😤😤

Well. I have to go now.  I have a vet appointment today cause I barfed up again today and Mom is worried.  So, I will let you know what we find out and in the meantime, I hope you have the BEST DAY EVER and good luck with your fishing - if you do it!

xox   Ardie

Pupdate from the Crate: Pup Catching Up!

Hello to my best friends in the whole world!  I'm sorry I've been gone for a while but too much happens too fast and I'm finding out my mom is a slug sometimes and she won't help me with my computer stuff unless I jump on her Ipad while she is playing online poker or something and DEMAND attention but then I don't get to go on the computer cause she gets grumpy.

Well, anyway.  Today, I lifted my leg when I peed!  Mom was amazed and I thought it was really cool except I didn't keep my balance good, and I did it by sticking my leg out backward and didn't lean right like boy dogs do so I almost tipped over.  Then I decided to do it again and when I had to potty I lifted my leg more out to the side....but it was my FRONT leg and I could barely hold it up while I was trying to squat and balance.

But the good news is I didn't wet my front leg, which I've been doing a lot more of lately, and I've got to find a better way to potty, I think.

I'm sure you heard Mom left me for 700 days and went to a sewing camp to make a coat that Dad says he could buy her a coat for a lot less money than a plane ticket, a week in a hotel, all that fabric and.....well, I stopped listening to him cause he gave me marshmallows at night, and man are they good!

I quit looking around the house for mom around the 300th day.  I was sorta sad, but then every day I got to go to day care for the whole day and I played and played and played and it was the best day ever cause dad also let me sleep with him even tho mom said none of that while she was gone. 

Then, you know my dew claw has been infected and I took medicine that dad had to end up pushing down my throat because I have a Super Ardie taster and I can find that pill in anything  -even yogurt and peanut butter and I spit it out.  Now, dad told mom how to work me and now SHE even puts in my throat so I can't spit it out, but then she gives me a yummy treat and kisses me all over my face so I'm ok.

But then, last week I threw up a lot, and on Saturday, mom says maybe I even throwed up some blood so she is giving me a tummy medicine and watching me like a hawk but I didn't do it today.  I only do it at night, in my crate and mostly it isn't food, but that is deeeee-sgusting to talk about so you need to call my mom if you want to talk about that stuff.  She will keep you posted.

So then, one day, after my Deana came with the wild-people puppy who screeches at me, I came into the house and totally flipped out.  I screamed my lungs out twice in 10 minutes cause some ALIEN got into our house and scared the daylights out of me.

When my Deana comes, she helps mom with the heavy cleaning and mom says she is an angel, so I watch her drag Oreck around by his long neck, then she does something with the Steam Monster that breathes hot hot steam and makes our floors wet.

Well then, she left and I came into the kitchen and as I came around the island to get a drink - THERE IT WAS!  I froze in my tracks and started the warning alarm at full blast!  Mom was going the other way so she didn't see it but I scared her so bad she almost threw her bottle of water on the ceiling.  This was an EMERGENCY!!

I could not even go near that thing!  OMG!  I was yelling "MOM! MOM! MMMMOOOOM!!!" and she came to the rescue cause she went to my bowl where that thing was and touched it.  Then I could see it was safe to come over and what do you know......hah.....I'm a silly dog.....it was the drip towel that sits on the floor by my water bowl to wipe my face!!!  Well, that was a relief.  I thought it was an alien.

Then, just as I was over that fit, I saw IT!  Out of the corner of my eye, there IT was and the screaming started all over again!   MOM mom momom mmmmmyy  hellpppp!  It's an ALIEN!  SAVE US ALL!

It scared me so bad my hair stood up and made mom jump to the rescue again.  She always has this very calmy voice and she always starts with  "Geeze Lousie, Ardie!" and then we go look together.  Well, I'll tell you this - I never expected to see THAT in my living room!  Mom showed me that it was a stuffed lamb sitting on a toy walking horsie that the people-puppy left out when he went home.   Geeze Louise!  They let little people play with such scary stuff?  Man, that little guy is really brave. 

So now, mom says we sold our house and have to find a rental that will allow me.  That is no easy trick here, so she is going nuts plus she can't make any down payments until she has the money in her hands (I've been listening carefully to lots and lots of talking from Dad on this topic so I'm understanding a lot more) and Mom says she doesn't want to share a bathroom with dad cause they have had separate bathrooms for 10 years and she wants to sleep on the first floor so no steps and can't be scared to stay alone in a place, and why does it have to be now when Dad is so busy and can't be even in town to help us move and.....I need a nap.

Well, that's it for today.  I need to get the stuffing out of my piggy. 

Sending you Super Ardie love and kisses and prayers that no one shoves a pill down your throat today and that you have the BEST DAY EVER!

xox - Ardie, the piggy un-stuffer

Pupdate from the Crate: Helping with Knitting and Under Attack

Hey everyone!  Happy Tuesday!  I had such a busy  weekend with my family I don't know where to start except with maybe my latest project the I call "helping mom get her knitting thing out of a sweater.  Here it is

Do you see what a good job I did? 🤗🤗 Mom says it was all her fault for leaving her knitting basket on the floor where my nose goes past all the time, and yes she was gonna take that rubbery knitting needle thing she calls a "holder" out of that sweater, but .....not for a while.  She is such a good knitter, I'm sure she is gonna fix it right up in her spare time.  For the record, that plastic rubbery thing was pretty fun to chew up!  Like a noodle kinda.....

So, in my classes I learned something call "touch" and that is where I put my nose onto someone's hand when they say  TOUCH and then they give me a yummy treat.  I have decided I'm going to do my own training time with mom and use TOUCH to teach her I want stuff even if she doesn't ask me.  So when she isn't paying attention, I touch her butt with my nose.  It works pretty good cause her butt is easier to reach than her hands are most of the time.  Sometime I have to touch it harder, and sometimes my teeth take over and they are so excited they give mom a little flea nibble which is cool with dogs but not so much with people cause then I have to back up really, really fast and yell "I'm SORRYI'MSORRYI'MSOREEEEEEYYYYYYY!!" Just so she knows I couldn't help it.

My bald-puppy-baby came over and he thinks he is the BOMB!  He can now chase me and he makes screeching noises that I can't figure out if he is hurt or if that is how those things bark.  He put his finger in my nose one day, and that wasn't the greatest, but mom said he can't control his weird little paws yet, so I have to be understanding.  I was all exhausted and sleeping under the table yesterday when Sawyer-puppy saw me and I could not believe it.....he came under the table WITH ME!  His mouth was wide open and he kept barking something like "Gack!" which is his favorite word I think and he was coming straight for me with his mouth wide open!  Nope!  Not gonna happen, weird little puppy!  I was outta there in a heartbeat.  No place is safe from that odd little puppy now that he goes all over on two legs instead of four.

My cousin Murray was over and we wrestled and pooped in the yard together!  It was the best day ever!  

Today, Mom was busy on the phone and didn't listen to me saying "HEY Mom,  HEEEEYYYMOM! Heyheyeheyeyyyyy!" So I used touch to get her attention.  Instead of touching her butt I decided to go over to the side sofa table and touch her glass of iced tea.  She was looking right at me, so I had to do it really really fast.  Man, my mom can really move some days.  The table is now squeaky clean thanks to me!

So, today is gonna be a hot one, and I need to rest up because we are under attack from the squirrels here, and I need to always be on guard.  They are bombing us with little things from the sky.  Sometimes they eat those things, cause I've smelled a gazillion of them and I can smell their tiny little hands and teeth all over them.  I tasted a few, but they are blech. But, I still make it my job to smell every single one of those squirrel-bombs that they put all over the yard, especially on my way in and out to potty.  Ya never know when one of those things could attack.  Mom says it makes for very long trips to and from the pen, but I don't know cause I'm too busy.  Mom said I need to quit sniffing them so close or one will get stuck on my nose, maybe.  

Hope you are having the best day ever, and are excited to see what comes next in your day!  

Xox. Ardie, the Touching Little Puppy

Pupdate from the Crate: Pod-cats and More Pillow Fights!

Happy Dog Day people!! I am  just about to pass out from swimming with my people-sister Leslie and I wanted to say Hidey Ho before I go into a coma.

I don't really swim unless Leslie drags me into the pool and then I try to walk on water to get out as fast as I can.  But actually I'm doing a lot better since she came two days in a row now and I let her grab me and I don't even bite her!

I've been taking medicine for my skin infection and I'm Super Ardie using my super taster powers to find the pills mom puts in my food.  I'm extra good at getting all the peanut butter off the pill and then I spit it out, all clean and shiny!  Sometimes I don't, but mostly I do.  Mom likes this game!  She gives me all kinds of you my stuff.  Dad just pushes it down my throat and makes both me and mom grumpy.

So, while I was at Aunt Margie's for a while, I had the best day ever!  Then I went home. Then, Aunt Margie saw that me and my invisible friend had a pillow fight in the bedroom sometime when after she made up the bed.  Those are the best ever times for pillow fights and under the cover rumpus!

I keep having pillow fights!  They are awesome!  Mom says I can't do it, but my invisible friend comes along and gets INSIDE the pillows and it makes me crazy!  I just can't stop myself.  My invisible friend got in trouble for making me tear apart mom's fancy pillow and she has grounded the invisible friend from certain rooms in the house.  Lately, he is only getting inked the couch cushions but that's getting old.

Mom has been talking to me a lot lately.  She got something called pod-cats and I thought we were having kittens over but she said NO! ARDIE!  It's something that talks and teaches her stuff.  I tried to listen but it is something about our brains and why we do the stuff we do and what makes glow sticks work, and what happens when there is a hangover and are aliens real.  Phew!  That pod-cats talks all day long and I'm sick of him so I close my ears and wait for mom to give me the  highlights, which she will sometime when we are stuck in traffic in the car and one little thing is stuck in her head and she just won't leave it alone.  I want to watch the wolf TV again, and I jump on the black TV changer a lot but I can't get it to work, so I go off to play with my friend in the pillows.

One day, mom let me sleep in bed with her while dad was on a business trip, but she got exhausted.  She said she had to keep waking up to see if I was still there, still breathing.  What a funny thing.  She says I sleep to quiet and still so that she worries in her sleep.  Yeah, almost drove me nuts too.

So, happy dog day!  I'm outta here before the next talking starts on her IPad.

Xox Ardie the Amazing Pill Ejector!

Pupdate from the Crate: Pillow Fights and Psychotic Nerves

Hi everyone!  My poor mom has been very still most days, trying to fix her psychotic nerve in her back.  She calls it something different, but it makes ME psychotic when no one can play with me.  So, I have a new imaginary friend, who might or might not be Emma cause she would incite me to do these new things but I'm not sure, so I now have a blast having pillow fights everywhere!

Look at us go!  See how I toss all the couch pillows on the floor?  Sometimes my invisible friend hides inside the couch cracks or inside the bed covers or under the cushions and taunts me to find her until I go psychotic and toss pillows everywhere!

I go baking nuts trying to find that invisible little angel-dog who really really is IN THERE and only I can see it and hear it.  Sometimes, they jump right inside the pillows and I shake them to try to get them out but I'm getting an idea that isn't cool.

Mom gets grumpy when I do it, and stops me.  Yesterday, she was gone all night and Dad let me tear apart Leslie's bed, the couch and the bonus.....all the trash in the back bathroom!  It was all paper stuff, paper towels, tissues and boy was that fun!  I had the best night ever!

It looks like mom's psychotic nerve was better last night cause she followed me everywhere after she cleaned up stuff from my invisible friend dog and me playing.

Then, it was raining, and I was feeling weird about being outside so mom took me to the pool area before bed and don't you just know it mad pe me feel good enough to poop so I did.  BUT....right at the start some alien in the woods made a moo-moo sound and it scared me so bad I pooped all the way across the cement patio pool deck cause every time I could poop, it mooed again and it scared the wits out of me.  Mom s waiting for the rain to stop today before she goes out to clean up.  I don't think it was her best night ever, yesterday.

Hope you stay dry and can poop without getting scared today.

Xox Ardie (and his invisible friend who came by long enough this morning to help get some pictures of the pillow fights)

Pupdate from the Crate: The Shredder Strikes Again

Hellooooo Everyone!  Mom has a boo boo in her back and hips and leg and can't move very well.  She is going to something called a Chiropractor to help her stop from yelping and gasping and bending over like something is about to explode.

So while she is sitting a lot, I'm keeping busy!  Mom says this is all you need to know about today.  She could not take pictures of my bedroom shredding cause she had to sit back down. This is just my work in our living room and in our family room!  Man!  I amaze myself!  Dad's special whiskey box was extra fun!  Wish I could read - it had some special words on it I think, and some foamy stuff that made pops when I ripped it!  

I did that while Mom was on the phone a few times today.  I just know how to keep busy, don't cha think?  :)  

 Poor mom.  I need a play date to get my energy out so she can rest but even getting me in the car is a trick for her.  Time for me to rest up for my next adventure so I can still have the BEST DAY EVER!

Love, Ardie the Super Shredder