Pupdate from the Crate: Is Ardie part giant hamster?

Good morning everyone!  Thanks for sending me wishes to help me with my staph infection in my delicate area and after those prayers and my shot, things are healing, so pretty soon when I'm licking my pee pee it will be just for fun.....or whatever.....not for boo boos.

Today, mom had to stay home with me instead of going fabric shopping with her friends because I can't go with other dogs till next week.  And she said that's ok, because she has a TON of fabric and really doesn't need to buy any more, because the strange part is that most of the stuff she's made lately came from something called a "free table" at her meetings and isn't it funny how that works out? Uh no.  Doesn't seem funny to me that she spends money on fabric so it can sit on a shelf and then she uses stuff she got for free......But I've learned just to be quiet and listen sometimes.

So, then, I had an idea that to keep her busy and keep her mind off of not going to Detroit to the Edsel Ford home and Habermans Fabric store (one of THE BEST EVER), I decided to play a game with her that she calls "clean up clean up everybody clean up!"  It even has its own song she sings so it must make her super happy to do it.  Because I'm so little yet, I only know how to do the first part of the game, and mom says that Emma the Aussie was the only one who knew how to do the last part so I might never learn that,   Besides, she seems to like that part so I might always let her do it.

Do you see my pictures?  Look at me go!!  I made my entire head invisible in this game!  

Since Mom was in a bit of a funk, I decided this needed to be a BIG game of Clean UP so I needed a big box!  I think it is hysterical that the box is named CHEWY!  Hahahaaha!!  So I did!!!  My food and treats come in boxes like that, and this one was so big I could even stand inside of it while I played.  That box sat on the floor by the door for FIVE DAYS and I left it alone until I needed it!  HAH!  Now mom has a lot to do today to keep her mind off of not going to the best place ever with her best friends ever.  But, she loves me and said that it is more important to stay with me.

So, now you see what my amazing powerful Ardie jaws of destruction can do!  Dad told mom to look at my DNA test again and see if I might be part giant hamster (because those are real, we see them on the internet sometimes).  You know how hamsters love, love, love to chew up paper stuff right? 

That is funny from dad because he wasn't even here yesterday when I helped mom with the groceries.  Yep, I helped unwrap the new package of toilet paper and then later, I got the container of paper towels down and tried to get them out of their wrapper too.  I'm not sure mom likes me helping, so when I got to the paper towels, and I heard mom coming, I zipped off to the family room and put my head in my toy basket really fast, like "hey! What's in the bottom of my toy basket! and she just thought the paper towels fell off the counter and slid into the other room when the earth tilted off its axis for a split second.  I heard that can happen, with global warming and all.  . .

The other day, dad told mom that my shredding skills are becoming so widely known that he got a call at his office from REPUBLIC services (our recycling company) and he told mom they wanted to hire me!  Isn't that super cool!  Poor mom, she was so confused....how did they know that about me?,she asked, and then asked dad:"SERIOUSLY?" but dad does that to her a lot and when she finally gets it was a joke, she uses her disgusted voice and says OH BEN! to him!!  I just watch and laugh inside my head!  My people are a riot.

So mom says my DNA doesn't show any giant hamster in it and she says that even though it doesn't show a definite border collie, I am sure beginning to look like one more and more each day.  Mom also says that we are going to training class tomorrow to help us learn stuff like not jumping on people, staying off the counters, and how to stop me from turning off my ears when I am having the best time ever chasing or shredding things.

Mom has been using a clicker-thing in my general direction when she gives me the BEST TREATS EVER and neither of us can really figure out how it's supposed to work yet.  But I do know that I like it because my mouth goes crazy for the best treats ever and I sit so still and wait like a good boy.  Mom is worried about what she will do when she doesn't have that clicker-thing or the best treats ever?  

Maybe Dad will need to buy her a special silver clicker-thing she can wear as a necklace?  I don't know.  I've also heard her trying to make the clicky noise with her mouth, just in case...what a riot.....but it keeps her busy even if it doesn't sound anything the same to me.  I'll let the teacher talk to mom about that.

So last but not least, here is a picture of me sleeping on mom's bed with her for a nap. She tried to get in that picture with me for a selfie, but I didn't want her breathing on me so I had to keep schooching away and get her off of me so she got fussy and just took this one finally. Moms!  When we are sleeping they go all kissy-face on us and lovey-dovey and huggy. Boy - we need our sleepy space, puh-lease!  It's a good thing I'm getting too big for my mom to fit inside my crate with me. . .anymore. . .

Well, I have to go rest.  My jaws are tired and mom says she needs some "time to herself" today so we both hope you are all having the BEST DAY EVER and will TTYL!   (hah!  I'm growing up so much I now use acronyms - Talk To You Later for the little puppies in the audience!)

xox Ardie the Distractor Goff  

(sorry to talk so fast I don't do commas and good language stuff because I have to go fast or the words disappear and mom wants you to hear them just the same way I say them to her otherwise the story would be boring like this:  Apologies for the lack of proper punctuation.  Ardie is a dog.  He ate, he pooped, he tore up a box.  I had to clean it up.  See?  Boring and dull.  Puppies write way cooler than people!)