Pupdate from the Crate: Moms and Dads don't think alike

Happy today everyone!  I had the best long weekend ever with lots of new things going on and I can't wait to tell you about them! So I can't remember what happened first or what but I will tell you this, one thing that did happen is that the tile floor broke my treat cookie jar lid.  Yes it did.  It made a giant mess that was so loud and so splattery that mom AND dad both came running and scooped me up so the glass didn't cut my feet which it didn't.  So mom says if I say too much about it, people will think she isn't a good mom and come take me away or she'll never be allowed to get any other dog ever.  But she's a good mom! That lid was far back on the counter and I know she didn't think my legs could stretch out that far, but I guess they can.

Then, I was having a rest in the bedroom while mom was getting cleaned up in there and I was in my special little corner that I L.O.V.E. and mom said to dad "Honey, what is Ardie chewing?" So dad looks in my general direction and says "just his feet".  Well moms must hear different sounds than dads cause she didn't believe him and came to look for herself and when moms come to look....well...they look at stuff so good, like they need to find evidence for the FBI or something, that they happen to notice that maybe your mouth slipped off your foot and maybe the stereo antenna got in your mouth by mistake and then it got chewed off and ..how does that chewing through plastic and wire sound like chewing on my feet, is what she wants to know now?  I wish she would have just believed dad.

So, later while mom was in the shower and dad was in charge of me, and I couldn't explain what I needed, or maybe dads don't read minds like moms do, I had to poop so I just did.  Right by dad watching TV......so you can imagine he HOLLERED REALLY LOUD and I immediately quit pooping, in fact I was so scared that I sucked it back up and ran for the door and then finished outside and dad said "good boy Ardie" so that was over....until we had to tell mom.  And Dad said don't worry honey because I picked it up.  But he forgot to say he only picked it up inside the house and when mom went outside, well, she found the rest of my poop very easily because dad put the poop scoop and rake right over it like a tent so mom would see it and she could pick it up really easy.

I'm starting to learn that moms and dads don't think alike very much.  But mom kept saying "I love that man....I really love that guy....ya just gotta love it...." So she really must like that dad marked my mess for her to pick up later.  Even later that same day, Dad told mom I pooped on the side yard and gave her a really nice set of directions on how to find it.  I bet she loves him a lot more that one too.

Then today, mom got to see the dark side of me.  Actually, I didn't know I was gonna go all "Incredible Hulk" when I saw a deer in yard. I was in my dog yard with mom and I looked up and saw it, right there.  At first I just barked, but then I just lost it and....suddenly....I grabbed the fence in my mouth and tried to rip it right off the posts!  I was going nuts!  I tried to dig out under the fence and when that didn't happen in 2 seconds I jumped and jumped and tried to actually climb the fence!  This all took less than 10 full seconds and then I want back to normal.  I had no clue that was in me and now mom says she needs to watch me extra careful now and get me to my dog class ASAP. Not that I'm vicious or aggressive, but obviously I need to learn to control myself because mom was NOT happy that I dried to learn to climb the big high fence or yank it off the poles.

I did get a bunch of new toys to play with and I got to ride in our new SUV but it is different and I fell in the cracks between the seats because dad is a crazy driver, but he says mom makes him crazy and he is just fine with his driving ways.

Well, I'm kinda tired because the hulk stuff took a lot out of me, so I need a rest and will write to you tomorrow and I hope you had he best holiday weekend ever!

Xox Ardbeg the Amazing Deer Stalker

Pupdate from the Crate: Mom wants A New Puppy

Good morning everyone!  I have to give you my Pupdate very early this morning because I need to spend the day cuddling with mom and making sure she gets enough attention today because I heard her her tell dad that if "this" is gonna keep up, she will need a new puppy, and I don't want that to happen.

I pretended to be asleep while they talked about it so I could figure out what all the fuss was about.  It was in the evening, when I have my relaxing time, and mom was saying parts of sentences that never got finished like "well, I didn't expect this..." and "so now it begins"......and "this isn't gonna work for me"..... And finally "this was not in THE plan"!

So dad just sat there, flipping channels and saying soft comforting words like "well honey....maybe it's the heat....yeah....I know...."  I wasn't really getting it until she said "well, it's gonna be a LONG summer if I have to spend every evening on the floor crammed under the desk with him!  This is supposed to be MY CUDDLE TIME (but the sound of her voice wasn't very cuddly-like)."  And Dad said "WELL...that will be special.  I can't wait to see how that works for you" and then Mom said that maybe she needs another puppy who wants to be cuddly on the sofa with her like I was before I growed up to be 5 months old.

And hey!  Guess what!  Now my other ear is going up!  This week we went to the dog store and I got to pick out toys and I picked out the best thing in the world, a hoof!  Yeah, it smells stinky to mom but I LOVE IT!  And I chew and chew until I am exhausted and I can't chew any more but now my other ear is standing up!  Yeah, Mom read an article that said maybe my stand up ears would be forever floppy unless I get enough calcium or if I didn't chew enough up to 6 months old.  So she wondered how that worked and I think I get it now.  You see, when I chew on that hoof like a mad dog, my jaws are so happy that they move my cheeks way back and that wiggles my ears a lot and I mean a lot!  You should see them go!  And today, when I woke up, boom!  My floppy ear was standing up!  Well, most of the time!  Hah! Cool eh?

So, I'm gonna go soon cause mom went to dog training class yesterday and has new instructions for me.  She says she has to do something called "stuff the dog" a couple of times today (and you know, when she told dad about this, he got all goofy and said "heh, heh, heh....I'LL show ya how to stuff 'the dog'...heh, heh, heh!" Which is not something puppies should be hearing but I'm getting used to it.)

Then, she told Dad our new training uses a clicker on me, and I hope that won't scare me or pinch me, and then I heard mom say she is going to cuddle me today if it kills her.....  I saw her looking at puppies on the Big Fluffy Dog Rescue page just a bit ago so I told her we needed to make our Pupdate and get off the IPad.

Sending you lots of love and hope you have the best Thursday ever!  Ardie, the only puppy Mom needs a for a good long time.....

Pupdate from the Crate: Prayers, Indoor sticks and squirrel pee

Happy Wednesday everyone!  Sometimes in the middle of having the best day ever, something happens and I get the feeling maybe Mom isn't having the best day ever, but I try to go back to having the best day ever as soon as I can and hope it helps mom get back on track too.

Like yesterday, Mom was sadder than could be, and I didn't see it coming.  The day started out great because she said "hot damn Sam!" When she stood on the scale before her Weight Watcher's meeting and did a happy dance then took me to day care for a good while.  I had a blast and I jumped right out of the car when we got there.  But, I didn't want to come home later and in fact, I tried to stay in the car hoping mom would get the picture and take me back to play some more, but she didn't.  I tried to get as long and flat and rubbery as I could on that backseat but that woman has got quite a grip and hauled me out of there before I knew it.  Actually, since I was so rubbery, it was more like I poured out of the car, but to be fair, once I go all rubbery and limp it takes a while to get my bones back in place to get solid again.

Then we came inside and she had to do some computer work, so I decided to find her and ask for dinner by bringing her my food cup.  I thought it was brilliant, but she got all fussy because the food cup is SO FAR BACK on the counter, how could I reach it and that means I'm stretching out farther and farther and NOTHING IS SAFE anymore.  Ah, she is hyper, I think.

So then, her computer made her sad and she made me come and say prayers.  She told me a beautiful dog went to heaven yesterday and that another special dog is going to heaven soon and we need to send energy to help the people feel better.  So I decided to get as much energy as I could and so I could send it off to them and make them feel really great!  I am not sure if it is working, but I'm still trying.

I decided to get a ton of energy by going to the zoomie pit that mom calls the horseshoe pit, and get all charged up to send my prayers and happy energy to our friends.  After mom captured me, she took me to the dog yard to play ball in a safer place, but I wasn't in to it.  She threw the ball and I chased it but I just wasn't into it.  So I ignored the ball, and she tried again, but I found cool sticks and now sticks are my favorite outside toys and I love to run with them in my mouth and shake them and do zoomies with them.  Mom was freaking out and said I'd poke my eye out or shove that stick right into the roof of my mouth then I'd be sorry and come GET THIS BALL!  So I didn't. And I told her "MOM! MOoooooooommmmmm!  That ball has squirrel pee on it!  I can't touch it!"  And she said "WHAT?  Have you lost your mind?" And so I really shouted out "no!! I can't touch it!  At least 16 squirrels come here at night when we are asleep and they pee on my ball!  Can't you smell it?  BLECH!  I can't even touch it!  Sticks are safe!"  So, since I ended up in the house with no sticks, I think mom wasn't having the best day ever.

But then, I found more sticks INSIDE the house!  Yeah!  The only problem is that they are attached to something mom calls "my plant" and I have to rip them out of their place and tear the leaves off so I can get to the indoor-sticks.  I am so addicted to indoor-sticks that I can't stay away, so now there is a gate around them.  That makes me sad and a little grumpy but I have learned not to discuss it with mom.

And then, mom told the Walk Your Dog With Love people that I'm a slug and I don't like to go for a walk and she asked them if they had a harness to put on my butt to get me moving along.  Well, I never!  And they are so cool!  They sent mom a private message with all kinds of tips and help, and the BEST ONE EVER is that I might be the rare dog that just moseys along and they might have to accept that fact and not force me to step it up, and not drag me on my slow walks.  But, she told dad she is going to try those other things before she gives up on walks.  And I KNOW I like walks, but I want my walks to be in my yard and in my woods and be sniffing, slow, mosey walks so I don't know if I'm too old too learn a new trick like fast walks, so we will just see.

Anyway, today, mom worked for a good time on her computer and then went to change the heating system from boilers to cool air conditioning and she was doing so well....until, while I was standing right next to her, watching this process of flipping switches, I just blanked out and forgot where I was and peed.  For a second, I must have thought the soft carpet was the grass and I just peed.  Only inches from mom.  But to my credit, I quit peeing instantly when she shouted and I picked right back up outside like a good dog.

So I'm starting to see how people have very mixed up days, that go from the best day ever to well...the opposite of that in a heartbeat and I've been noticing they take longer than puppies to get back to the best day ever.  I'm glad I'm a puppy!

Mom wants me to go quiet for a while and say some prayers for the people whose dogs are sick and those who went to heaven.  And I keep trying to tell her that heaven is a great place because I came from there and I should know, but she says people can't understand it so we still need to send energy to them. As soon as I get up from my nap, I'm going to get as much energy as I can to send out as prayers!  Now that I know what it's for, mom should not have any problems with me zooming everywhere!

Happy Best Wednesday ever!  Ardie (PS bet you cannot see me in the picture!  Mom kept calling me but I didn't come and then she found me but I think I was invisible for a long time, based on the sound of her voice....)

Pupdate from the Crate: Sawyer-puppy and stinky stuff

Happy Sunday everyone!  I have been quite busy since that bald puppy came here on Friday and messed up my place and my vibes.  I have mixed feelings about that noisy, pink thing Mom calls Sawyer.  And guess what?  Now he MOVES a lot and he can now get me.  I am not sure if Ilike this situation.  I mean, I like to lick his chubby naked face, he doesn't taste half bad, and his toes are pretty yummy too, but when HE starts taking MY toys and starts chewing on MY pop bottle and MY stuffed raccoon-ball boy, well.....I am not happy.

That little naked puppy tried to get my pop bottle right out of my own paws!  I was beside myself with disbelief!  He snuck up, like crawling on his belly and then...I SMACKED down my paw on my pop bottle and gave him a LOOK! He just kept coming and the nerve of him, he stopped right in front of me and tried to get inside my mind!  He stared at me, and tried a few times to sneak under my paws and grab my bottle and then he made a very loud grumpy noise that scared me so I lifted my grip to back away and he snatched it!  My Mom made him give it back.  It's only fair little bald puppy.....mom won't let me near YOUR toys and if I even put a toe on your precious blanket she freaks out...so here's what I have to say to you:  get your own pop bottle!

Mom gave him a wooden spoon and was teaching him how to bang on things like the metal trash can and stuff.  I guess they like that kind of thing.  Then, mom got caught teaching him something Dad said was inappropriate and mom had to stop it.  She and I both thought it was funny, cause we are smart and know that bulls and cows say "moo, moo, moo" but when Sawyer-puppy picked up a toy bull, for some reason, mom forgot what they say and she was telling Sawyer-puppy. "This is a Bull!  A B.U.L.L. And what do bulls say?  They say....crap, crap, crap!  Haha bull-crap!"  And then Dad came in and put a stop to it.  Mom said the rest of the puppy-kids grew up ok......

And then yesterday I had my second real bath here and I'm too big for the sink now so I got to get inside mom's jet tub which I have been trying to climb into but now that I know what it's for I'm not interested any more.  So, I was having the best day ever being outside with mom while they did yard work and I go to run with the backyard dogs.  I run behind the bushes, along the fence, and behind he barn.  I was being so good!  When it was time to go in I came right fast when mom called me but then I knew something was going to happen because mom said "OH ARDIE!" in her M.O.M voice.

Actually, I had a clue that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't gonna like how I smelled, but I had no idea what I looked like.  I had to have a time out in my crate until she could clean me up.  She was telling Dad "you should see that dog!  He is covered in some black, greasy smelling crap, and I mean CRAP and I think he ate some of it UUUUGGGHH! HE STINKS!"

 I was so sorry.  I could not even face them.  I kept my face to the wall in my crate and when I go out, I tried to melt into the floor.  I think I really messed up.  Then I got a bath and I stood as still as a statue in that tub, and let mom dry me too.  Now, I'm nice and clean and mom noticed I'm getting fancy pants!  She says it is where my butt and back legs are getting long fluffy hair that is really soft and some Leo people cal it "pants" but she calls it butt hair and thinks it's cool.  I guess the bath brought out the best of me!

And today , I frustrated Dad because when he turns into "shape-shifting-zombie-dad" I hide.  Mom says its just a hat but I don't believe it.  Mom is trying to train dad about how to help me through it but she says dad is an OLD DOG and sometimes old dogs can't learn new stuff too easy.  But at night, when zombie-dad is gone and my REAL dad is back, I sleep on him all during TV time and I'd sleep on him all night if they let me.  So, maybe he will cut me a break and help me get over it.  Mom has an idea that maybe if I pee on his work hat and pants, it will show me it's really dad under there and not zombie man.  I don't know if that is the best idea mom's had.

So have the best Sunday ever and I'll keep you posted on my progress with that thing in the baggy pants, big boots and stinky ball cap.   Xox Ardie

Pupdate from the Crate: what a day this has been!

Howdy doody Peeps and pups!  This has bee the BEST day ever!  Mom has a lot of photos to share with you, and I just don't know where to start!

So I had to go to the vet about my bleedy gums that are now all healed and guess what?  I am fine and everything is just normal!  It is really super cool at the vet and I was good getting my nails trimmed because my mom wipes my feet and pokes around in my toes all the time so I don't care if a stranger does it.  The stranger was amazed!

Then mom and I went to feed Jack (a cat) at my people sister's house and I got to go inside and try to play with Jack!  I met Jack before and it didn't go so well.  I was thinking maybe I will grow on him, so I tried to get real close to his nose and smell him and lick his teeth like puppies do but Jack said NO...NNNNNNoooooo.....nuh uh....NOT EVEN.....and makes a sound like he has hole in him someplace and is losing all his air.  Jack scrunched up into a tiny ball and just when I tried to find him, he disappeared!

That is when I learned how to find Jack!  I had to go someplace called "Upstairs".  It took me three tries to do it but each time I did more and more stairs and Jack watched me from high up and BOY was he surprised when I finally made it!  All of his air was letting loose on my people-sisters bed and I barked and barked for mom to get up here fast and plug it up before it went flat and dead or whatever cats do.  There is a video but mom can't make it appear here.  Obviously, She needs some classes in that.

Well then, we went to my sister's yard to give Jack time to re-inflate, and my new girlfriend came to see me.  Mom says she comes from the wrong side of the fence and I need to leave her alone but I can't help myself.  She just begs me to kiss her....well....the part I can get to....and she kisses me back on the teeth too!  It is the best ever!  Mom is freaking out because my girlfriend tries hard to squish through the hole and she has a square head and today she even choked when she tried to get to me cause she is getting stuck in that hole now. Wow.  That exhausts me.

Then I came home and tried to let mom rest cause her tummy aches for some reason.  She says she can only eat popcorn, noodles and fries, and a bit of cola.  I think that is why her tummy hurts but she said no, and stop watching what she eats and telling everyone.  So I decided to let her rest one the patio and when I NEEDED to know what was that thing on the patio table, I just got right up on it and looked inside for myself.  Some of the strangest stuff sets my mom off, and the opposite of Jack loosing air, my mom sucks it all in when she is scared or upset.  The whole outside patio seemed to go dark and still and all the air was gone when she saw me sniffing the candle, standing on the table.  I had to walk a ways to get to it, we have a big table and it was no big problem for me to jump up there.  Heck, I watched Jack go up the entire flight of stairs in THREE jumps!  This was easy!

I guess I'm not supposed to go stand on top of the table....

So now we are waiting for Dad to come home and I'll have to hear this whole thing all over again unless I turn my ears off and pretend I'm asleep, which I think might be my best thing to do.

Anyway, wasn't it the best day ever?  I LOVED it and can't wait to wake up tomorrow and have more adventures.  Xox Ardie the cat deflater

Pupdate from the crate: My first cigar, and DNA results

Happy today everyone!  It's only 8:30 a.m and I'm in my crate already, having a time out from making decisions.

Yep, today I decided to make more and more new decisions on my own cause I'm officially 5 months old and in dog years that means I'm....well...lots older now and should be making my own decisions about stuff I want to do.

Yesterday, I decided to pee on the floor right by the door where I go out cause my mom didn't see me waiting and waiting.  Even with the eyes she says she has in the back of her of head, she didn't see me  so I just went.  We had a bit of a talk about it later, actually, I just listened and she talked.  She says she wants me to bark or come get her when I need to go out, and I said to myself "well heck darn it all, why do I have to shout out I HAVE TO PEE and she doesn't go around saying it when she goes and if she is so psychic like everyone says she is why can't she just read my mind so I don't have to go announcing my potty needs all the time.  Sheesh.

But today, I decided I wanted to be outside so early and I decided that after my potty, I would go see the backyard dogs and have a good run with them and that was a good decision.  But then I decided to go to the digging pit where I get the zoomies (mom calls it the horseshoe pit) and once I get the zoomies my good decision maker stops making.  It literally just goes off.  Like a lightbulb. Dim.  Ok, dark. O.U.T.  Fini.  Nada. Zero. Zip.

One thing led to another, and I felt myself rocketing toward the NONO place, the place next door in the woods of no return and jetting uncontrollably around and past mom.  My ears turn off and my eyes must go blind as I become THE ZOOMER.  the next thing I know, I hear the click of the leash on my collar and my mom's voice far far away in my head yammering about something having to do with scaring the living day lights out of her, I could get lost, she would die, and on and on and then I was on the patio until she could change her soaking wet shoes and have a drink of coffee.

Then, I made another decision.  I was trying to get the cover off the patio furniture and the next thing thing I knew, I decided to have a cigar.  Just that fast.  Mom could see me on the patio, but ther is a little blind spot right where dad's table is and he left that cigar there weeks ago so I figured he left it for me.  When she came around the corner to take a cute picture of me playing Mountain Ardie King of the Sofas, I was busted.  She was NOT happy with my decision.  I wish I had a camera thing to have taken her picture right then!  Boy was her face all twisted and crazy!  And by the way, her face got even worse when she picked up the cigar and found lots of teeth marks in it.....and it went downhill even faster when she kissed me in the kitchen and said I stunk like an old man after a poker party.  That must not be a good smell to people.

By the way, when I saw her coming, I "pretended" I was chewing on the expensive newer wicker footstool.  Mom says it is important that I always add things called adjectives to my noun stuff because then I will know how important things are in the human world.  "Expensive and newer" must mean something is super cool or special.  I will try to remember that, and will test things to get mom to tell me what stuff in our house falls in that category.  Dogs only have a few adjectives:  mine, not mine.  Sheesh.

So, mom sent my DNA off to a lab to find out what I'm made up of.  The adoption people told mom I was part border collie part golden lab/retriever mix.  Mom is convinced I am a mix of Eastern European Selective Hearing Hound, Greater Motor Leg Mountain Dog, and Mini Kissy-face Collie.  But it turns out that I am none of those and not even really border collie!

Mom is going to try to attach my DNA report to my blog for you all to see!  The ONE thing I have most of is.......drum roll please.......Great Pryenese!  Yeah!  Go figure that my grandparents were Great Pyrs!  Did you know that is where LEONBERGERS came from too?  So I really am the smallest whitest non-Leo Leonberger there ever was!  Take a look at my ancestors and I'm sure mom will be telling you more about this later.

We have a realtor coming soon to take pictures of our house and even though she and Deana cleaned yesterday, for some reason mom has a lot more to do now to get ready.  So, while I am dreaming about making better decisions so I can have the best day ever without getting caught....I mean...without getting into trouble....I send you big cigar-flavored kisses and hope you have the best day ever too!   Xox. Ardie the almost Leonberger

Pupdate from the Crate: I can do it myself, spring snacks, and swirlys

Hello peeps!  It is only 9:30 and already I'm having the best day ever!  I am growing so fast and am so smart that Mom says she doesn't know what she is going to do with me!  I am learning something she calls "perfect timing".  She says Bailey, the Aussie, had perfect timing.  He was almost a genius.  A mad genius, but super smart nonetheless.  Mom told me he was as good as gold until she started to get ready to go away, like work or a date, and then he would sneak into her room, open her dresser drawer and take out her over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders and sneak up behind her and shake them, then run like crazy!  I haven't figured out how to open drawers yet, but now that I've heard about it, I need to work on it.

So today, I helped Mom clean her breakfast plate.  I think she left the chair out to make it easy for me, so I got on there and saw the dirty dish and licked it clean for her!  I am a good boy!  I even got down and went to my bed right after.  Boy was she surprised!  Then, I decided I needed some protein, so I got the peanut butter jar off the counter and took it to the family room but just as I got my first lick mom showed up and said "NONONO ARDIE" and scared me half to death so I didn't get my extra protein for breakfast.  (Sad puppy face icon).

And then today, somehow,the big teddy in my people-sister's room where my crate is, came off the back of the big chair and ended up in the family room right next to raccoon-ball-boy.  I was closely examining it, checking for any missing parts, when Mom came in and said "OH ARDIE"!  And I told Mom that raccoon-ball-boy somehow got that teddy and can't you see, he is right next to the teddy cause he is small and has no legs just a face and tail and can't carry it very far and I was just checking for damage and keeping teddy safe till you got here, MOM!  Sheesh.

I have learned to tell mom things like this by clicking my teeth, in alligator talk.  It is like barking but much quieter, because I've learned that barking my explanation to Mom makes her grumpy and she says it's not explaining, it's being mouthy, and that isn't a good thing.  So I use alligator language and just make my mouth go without the bark....the clicking of my teeth sounds pretty awesome if I do say so myself, plus I get to make weird faces and use my special "explaining-this-to-you-eyes.  Pretty fun and gets the point across too!

And even more fun today, I went into the deep woods in our yard for a hike by myself!  Yeah!  Mom takes me there sometimes cause it is far far from our house and says she is teaching me about our yard, where I can and can't go, and ther is a fence there so it was ok that I did exploring while she stayed far away at the yard watching.  Until I decided to have snacks along the way.

You know, this my first spring ever and I love what it tastes like!  Every day there is a new snack out there!  I love all these new tastes but mom gets all weird and yanks me off of some of the best ones.  That is why I turn my ears off outside when I am exploring.

Right in the middle of a yummy snack, I could hear my  mom shouting "YECH!  ARDIE!!  That's ca-ca!  That's beh-beh!  AAAACCCK!  No!  Don't eat that!"  Well, I think mom is speaking Italian or Polish or something because I was eating things I would call deer and rabbit poop, sprouts, bird poop and maybe some dirt.  I am learning that this language she speaks is some universal, ancient guttural sounds people make to keep their babies in line.  I've seen it stop small human puppies dead in their tracks and it even keeps my dad from eating spoiled stuff he find in the fridge.  Man, mom can smell it from another room, but dad chugs it down and THEN asks mom "smell this, is it rotten?"  My mom gags a lot.

So, my next adventure is figuring out about the swirlys.  The swirlys are in special rooms in our house and sometimes they are quiet but Mom and Dad can wake them up and make them swallow lots of water really really fast.  I can't figure them out, so I'm thinking I need to get in one and see how it works.  I will let you know what I find out.

I'm really tired from doing so many things by myself, using my new perfect timing skills so I need a nap.

Xox Ardie

Pupdate from the Crate: Oreck, my arch enemy and my trip to the EEEEmergency room

Hi everyone!  Sorry to be gone so long but Mom was out of town and the daycare won't let us use their computer and when I got to Aunt Margie's house I was so tired I got all rubbery and loose and couldn't seem to move a muscle so while I having the best days ever, I just could not tell you about them. But, now I'M BACKKKKK!!!

Today, we are having an insurance person over to inspect our house because Mom says our insurance got cancelled because of too many car claims and that is really funny because they don't know who they're dealing with....MY DAD!  He is the BIG GUY at his insurance brokerage and who do they think they are cancelling his policy?  The very nerve of those people, so we are taking our business elsewhere.  This makes Mom furious, so she gets all wired up and when that happens, she goes around the house like a mad woman.  I can barely keep up with her.  Until....she brings Oreck out of his closet.  I hate Oreck.

When he comes out, I hide.  I tried to like him, but I just can't.  In the first place, he is an ugly creature.  He has a big wide round body with a giant long neck and a flat head.  I can't even see his feet, but they are really magicial because he can turn in any direction really fast.  Then, there is that terrible noise he makes!  OMD!  (get it....oh my...dog!) one second he is silent, the next he screams without stop all while he is eating everything in sight that I just put on the floor!  That dude has no respect for MY stuff!

It looks like Mom can't even control him.  When he comes out, she always drags him around by his long skinny neck until she wrestles him back into his closet.  He even tried to eat her curtain the other day and mom said something worse than OMD!  Why they keep him, I'll never know, but I did hear the Bruno could take him if he wanted to!  Mom told me Bruno wasn't afraid of Oreck.  Oreck could get his sucking mouth right up to Bruno's face and all would do is lay there.  Bruno is MY HERO!

So get this, I'm now 36 lbs!  When I cam on April 1st, I was only 19 pounds and had skin problems.  Now, I'm getting to be a big boy and Mom can barely carry me to my crate at night.  Yeah, I let her do that because she loves to cuddle me and besides, it is my rubbery time of day when my legs don't work, and somes I can't hear a thing they are saying.

Oh yeah, and I had to go to the EEEEE-mergency vet this Saturday because of my crazy boo boo on my gums by my teeth, that needs an X-ray but the real reason they call it EEEEEE-mergency is because of what you see there makes you say "Eeeeee!"  It was scary.  You can see a picture of me in the room waiting for the Doc, and I all wanted to do was get back out and see how the standard poodle was doing.  That poor dog! His ears and face were covered in blood and he was jumping on everyone and very nervous.  His people were laughing and joking and said it was just a "gusher" from a tiny nick where they were trimming his ears.  OMD!  There was so much blood and he was shaking it all over the waiting room. EEEeeeeee!

But then, to help me get that out of my mind when we got home, Mom gave me a new knitted dolly and I got to spend the day chewing her hair off and that was the best day ever!

I learned so much over the last few days, I can barely write it all!  I learned to hide from my Aunt Margie in her bushes and I knew I tricked her because my face was going one way but I kept my eyes on her while I picked the best spot to hide and I tried to be invisible.  It hurt my eye muscles so I am practicing that looking but not looking move on Mom and Dad too.  I learned how to find out for myself if there is any food left on the table, even when Mom says there is nothing up there for me.  I just get on the chair then I look for myself!

I've had so many adventures, we could talk for hours but I want to say I hope you have the best day ever and say a prayer for me that Oreck sucks up something that clogs his skinny neck and shuts him up for a long long time.

Xox Ardie

Pupdate from the crate: too pooped to participate

Hi everyone, I'm so tired!  My mom is off on a business trip with Dad and I am staying with Aunt Margie at nights and I go to day care in the day while she works.  When I go to day care it is the BEST DAY EVER!  I am getting so used to it that now I want to go in the car and when I get there I jump out and hurry in as fast as I can go!

My Mom says I am still too little for a full day of playing so she gave them orders for me to have a good long nap time and I thought it would never end!  Then at the end of the day, I could barely move.  I am so tired I didn't even get up and go say HI to Aunt Margie when she came home.

Aunt Margie took a picture of me and sent it to Mom.  She told Mom she tried to see me on the pup cams but there were so many dogs and I was moving so fast she wasn't sure if she saw me or not, but there was ONE time I think she DID see me and she told Mom that I was humping another dog!

Well, I can't believe that was ME and I'm too tired to try to explain what I was doing but I think it had to do with climbing over another dog and getting stuck and then my butt got all twerky which is something I can't control and that is it.

So tomorrow I do the same thing and maybe I'll learn to control the twerky-ness, but I'm sure that if I don't someone will hear about it.

Hope you had the best day ever, xox Ardie

Pupdate from the Crate: My Ear! What is Happening?

Hi Peeps, today Mom is truly freaked out about something new she sees on me.  My right ear s now quite different from my left ear.  Mom is going to show you photos and if anyone can help calm her down, I would appreciate it.  She noticed my right ear now folds back or is more upright and my left ear is just the same as always, floppy down.

I was at daycare yesterday and had a great day, but now Mom wonders if I somehow broke my ear.  Is that even possible?

Dad says it's a growth spurt and I can't break my ears.  Mom doesn't believe that for a minute.  It is not sore and I can still move it, but it never goes forward anymore.

So anyone who can help or has any ideas, would you let us know?  Is this the Border Collie part of me coming out?  Hope you are having the best day ever while I try to keep Mom calm.

Xox Ardie with the weird ear

Pupdate from the Crate: Happy Mom's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the people Moms in the world.  It should be your BEST DAY EVER!  My Mom isn't feeling well today.  I think that big bald puppy Sawyer gave her some germ and now she has a very sore throat and a big headache.  So, today, I'm going to take it easy on her and maybe just nap part of this day.

Yesterday, Mom had to take her big beautiful bed quilt to the laundromat because on Friday Evening Dad confessed he found a pee spot on their bed.  Remember he let me sleep with him on Thursday night?  Well, he CLAIMS the big wet spot was there when we went down to bed, and maybe it was an ice cube melted spot and Mom said "Did you give Ardie an ice cube?" And Dad sit no, so Mom said "well, what the heck then!  It can't be a melted ice cube spot it has to be a pee spot!" And she gave Dad serious eyes.

So Dad says "honey, it was there when we went to bed, I SWEAR TO GOD it was, so this one isn't because I wasn't watching him".   And poor Dad was just too tired to fix it so he left it for Mom in the morning but forgot to tell her till night, and that pee spot sat there all day.

I thought Mom was onto me, because she came to the room twice on Friday and got down on her hands and knees, smelling the floor carpet.  How odd I thought.  I wish I could have told have told her the pee spot was on the bed, but since she slept right next to it all night, I figured she knew and was smelling for something different in the carpet.

So now, I'm not sure if Dad will ever get to watch me alone again, but if he SWEARS TO GOD it must be true that I peed on it some other time and Mom didn't notice.  Yeah...as if that could EVER happen...

I love my Mom and try to get her in my mouth all the time.  That is how I tell her.  I also do amazing flips and spins and squeaky noises when I see her.  So because I love her I'm gonna take a big long nap and let her rest too.

Have a Happy Mother's Day and I just have to say it's not Dad's fault he forgot I'm allergic to chicken and gave me a good yummy treat today to celebrate Mother's Day with Mom in special ways!  That Dad!  Mom says he needs and attention-aid.  Kinda like a hearing aid but different, because she knows he can hear.

Xox Ardie (Mom's favorite white puppy on the whole world)

pupdate from the Crate: the Boa Incident & Smartie Ardie

Happy spring day everyone! Some crazy stuff has been happening around here and I'm not sure if it is just cause I'm getting older enough to notice, or if really crazy stuff happens here all the time.  I guess I won't know for a while, eh?

Well the BEST THING EVER happened to me last night kinda after the worst thing ever, but I'm getting use to it. SO, yesterday Mom cleaned house and decided to move my crate to the back bedroom where she works a lot and, well, you remember how well that went last time she tried doing it and I screamed my lungs out, well so she tried it again and guess what....I kinda liked it.  Yeah.  Actually it was kinda cool and now I'm not in the middle of the hall anymore but I did bark my brains out for 45 seconds or so just to show her I'm not gonna be a pushover.  So now, I'm used to it but last night Dad had to Ardie-sit me for the first time ever and Mom said I might holler in the back room so if I did he should just put the crate back in the hall way and We would work on it later.  Guess what Dad said?

He said the BEST THING EVER!  He said "I'm just going to let him sleep with me....uh....until you get home, and YOU can put him in his crate!"  Hah!  And guess what....he did!  My Dad and I slept in bed a long time together befor Mom came home and wrecked it all, but I now go on their bed whenever I want because .....because I do......and I think Mom lets me because she loves me.

But earlier in the day it didn't seem like it so much.  Since I'm technically still a baby, I have to eat 1/2 of my lunch, wait a few minutes then I get the rest so I don't barf.  Well, yesterday, I served myself my own lunch!  I think I'm getting to be a big boy, sorta, and I was sooooooo hungry. Sooooooo hungry that after my 1/2 bowl, Mom went to her computer and I decided to go finish lunch right by her cause I like to be by Mom all the time.  So I just reached wayyyyy up on the counter and grabbed my cup 1/2 filled with food and didn't spill one drop!  I was so proud!  I took my cup to the family room and sat by Mom and dumped it on the carpet....and that is when things didn't go so good.  

I guess Mom doesn't want me to grow up so fast and she likes waiting on me so I will try to learn to be patient and not help myself.  But then see, Mom confuses me.  She calls me "Ardie Smartie!" In a happy voice and tells me how proud she is of my smartness and then when I tried to teach myself to play chess with Dad's super cool stone carved chess set, she freaked out!  I'm like "man, can a puppy ever catch a break here?"  I had half the board rearranged before she made me stop.  Now, I just look at them and pass right on by.  I won't even be in the same picture with that stupid chess set.

And then today I though I found the BEST THING EVER and it turns out I can't have that either.  I am amazed I found that thing, I bet Mom forgot all about it, way way back in her closet.  But I spied it, just dangling there.  I pulled off one piece and it was soft and fluffy, so I pulled off another and another, then by accident the whole thing came down on top of me. It was soft and really really wiggly so I took it to the bedroom to check it out and I don't know how she even saw me with it because her eyes were facing away from me fixing her hair and yet......caught in the act.

So Mom says "OH ARDIE!  NONO!" And I just dropped it without any discussion.  When Mom says NONO as one word you are doomed unless you straitened up fast.  So she says " you can't have my black feather boa!  That is for when Dad and I do dress up and now you have plucked so many feathers, it is nearly bald!  I need this for our next dress up!"  Well, peeps, I just don't want to know any more about that kind of stuff until I get a lot older.  To tell ya the truth, I'm Ok with not seeing that feather thing again and I'm finding out there are just some visuals you can't get out of your mind no matter how many squeaky balls you have to distract you.  Sheesh.

And last of all, it is going to be the best summer ever because Mom says garage sale season is here and she got me a ton of new stuffed toys to play with for almost nothing and I can have a new toy every day, almost, like the pumpkin bear I got today.

So, I hope Mom gets over that feather thing and let's me sleep with her in bed for a while tonight but if she doesn't it's OK because I know it won't be long before Dad gets to puppy sit me again and we can do all sorts of stuff Mom will never know about.

Have the best weekend ever!  Xox Ardie (Kings pawn to Queen's Rook - Check!)

Pupdate from the crate: Big Bald Human Puppies and Circus Poops

Heloooooo everyone!  I thought today was gonna be kinda boring but it started out really cool, and maybe I have a skill that I can use to join Cirque du Solei!

Well, you know how limber and twisty I am right?  When I stretch, I go waaaayyyyyy out on my front legs until my back feet go on my tip toes then I keep going still even stretchier until my back feet flip completely over and I drag my back legs on the tops of my back feet like Ginger Rogers being dragged by Fred Astaire in a fancy dancing move. I love it!  But that's not the coolest thing.  The coolest thing is that I have amazing balance!

Today, when I was doing my morning business, and I was all scrunched up like you have to do to get the plumbing working, well all of a sudden in mid-poop I leaned far forward to smell something and discovered I can balance on my front two feet and poop at the same time while sniffing something!

Don't ya just think that is the coolest?  I'm almost a circus dog!

Well, then later our big bald human puppy came over and we are still trying to figure each other out.  He is about the same weight as me but he is a BEAST!  I mean, I am a long lean lovin' machine but that little bugger is a rough, tough slobbering mass of screeching, gagging and arm-waving bundle of ....well....I don't know what yet.  One minute I think he likes me, the next he hates me.  What is it with these big bald puppies?  They taste pretty good, but instead of licking me back or smelling my butt, he just gags and swats at me when I come near.  Then, when his Momma comes and holds him up, he taunts me.  Yes he does!  He makes cute smiley faces and wiggley fingers at me and little laughing noises but when I come near its a whole different story.  Mom took a video to prove that I'm not crazy and to show you how this bald puppy acts toward me.  Sheesh.  Well, I think I'll get it figured out soon because he comes here a lot and I don't he's going away any time soon.

On a bright note, it looks like the Feds have not been alerted to the "tag"incident and now Mom and I can go back out in public without our undercover disguises.  Mom says the window for arrest and prosecution is very small and if you make it past an hour or so without getting arrested by the tag removal coppers you are usually pretty safe.  Thanks to all who offered bail money and legal support for me.  And thanks to all who are praying Mom won't go to Hell over her lying about her weight on her drivers license.  OH CRAPPERS!  I meant that Mom won't get in trouble for NOT correcting the nice man when he asked if anything had changed.....yeah....that's how she tells it.....

Mom says the bald puppy exhausted her and now WE need a nap.  I said "WE who, ya got a mouse in your pocket.....hehehehe?" and suddenly I'm in the crate.  I haven't known Mom very long at all but I can tell she gets grumpy when she is tired and being a wiseacre isn't gonna get me any extra cheese today.

Hope you are having the best day ever and I will work on my balancing act so maybe Mom can snap a picture next time!  Xox Ardie the Arial Poop Artist.......or maybe not.....

Puppy seeds - the start of it all

Hi Peeps!  Mom says I have to put this old info on my page because lots of new blog-people are trying to figure out how I all got started and where I came from.  So sorry FB peeps, this is a replay for you.Ardie Comes Home

Breaking News Pupdate from the Crate

Hey everyone!  Something's gone down over here today that you all need to be aware of in case Mom and I disappear for a while.  She says we might even have to change our names or get a make over.  Well, maybe just me because where she says she is going, none of that can help her.  But here is my story and I'm sticking with it!

Ya know the cool new bed my Mom and Dad got me?  Well, I was having the best day ever by flipping it over and jumping on it and then one thing led to another and before you know it ....I committed a felony.   I thought Mom was gonna pass out.  She saw me ripping the tags off the bed and freaked out!  

First, she reached inside my throat and poked around my mouth and I must say that is my personal space, but she seems to go in there any time she wants she says for my own good, and there was nothing in there so she relaxed and then told me a very scary story.  She showed me the writing on the tag that says do not remove under penalty of law!  YOwZers!!  I'm a puppy!  I can't even read yet!  How was I supposed to know?  And Mom said "my little man, ignorance is no excuse....now, you sit in your crate and try to memorize phone numbers in case the Feds show up here and take you to prison.  I have to go get my drivers license changed!"

Well, after that I was scared straight, as they say and I am trying to learn my people-sister's phone number because Mom said maybe she is the only one who can save me if they take me away cause she is an "officer of the law" and might have some pull up at the Big House.

In Mom's case, I don't think my people-sister can help her because Mom thinks she is "going to hell in a hand basket" because she told a lie today and that is where people go when they tell lies.  Mom said it was a white lie, and I think she did it just to help us create a new identity if we need to go on the run after the tag incident.  Mom told me she didn't answer her driver's license questions honestly but her side is that she actually didn't lie.  She told me the MAN asked her if everything was still the same as on her old license and she said .....yes....but it wasn't....one thing was off by a few pounds....or maybe  more than a few pounds.  She even asked him if he could use her old photo and when he said no, she tried to bribe him (I mean she asked him quietly) I'd he could photo shop her today picture to erase a few wrinkles and lift up her chin line.  She told me he didn't laugh and said NO and told her to sit and wait.  Personally, I think he is on to us, and didn't want to get involved.

Mom says people can go to h-e-l-l for telling lies so I'm never going to tell a lie.  Well, Mom took a picture of the evidence and is sending it out to all of you in case I need an attorney.  

Xox Ardie

Pupdate from the Crate: My NEW Blog

Hellooooooo all people of the internet and not just FaceBook any more!  I am so excited to be making my Pupdates from here now, because so many people love me already and say that my Mom should write a book but she didn't think so and then I said yes, but she said let's just try a BLOG first and now we are doing that.

My Mom says that someone on our Facebook is so happy to read about my BEST DAY EVER that she copies the Facebook post and sends it to her husband, who then reads it to his work buddies.  Isn't that the coolest?  My Mom says our job is to make people feel happy and smile.  It is why we came to earth in the first place, so that is what we are going to do. 

Sheesh, it took us almost 60 years to figure it out - well Mom - not me cause I'm only 4 months old and I'd get in trouble if I told you how old Mom is cause she doesn't look that old - I mean - she looks really HOT for a woman her age - or - maybe I just need to move on, I don't think I can fix this. . . . .

Anyway, most of you don't know me; my full name is Ardbeg Macallan Special Reserve Goff and I'm a puppy and they call me ARDIE! (they always say it with a big happy voice!).  I'm a rescue puppy so that means I came to this earth to rescue someone and I found my Mom even though she never realized she needed to be rescued, but I did and I found her and now her people say she is better but she thought she was OK to begin with so there is lots of discussion over who rescued who, or is it who rescued whom? 

My Mom says I came from a place called BFDR or Big Fluffy Dog Rescue and I was part of a hoarder case with about 50 other dogs when they found me at 5 weeks old. 

In case you are going nuts about the punctuation and no commas it is because I'm a puppy, you see, and we talk very fast and don't slow down and don't even know about that stuff so Mom lets me type anyway I like.  I know it will make some of you crazy.  Not being allowed to eat bugs makes me crazy so I understand.  We all have our triggers.

Mom is trying to figure out how to get my last 30 days of Pupdates onto this blog for you to read.  She says those first Pupdates are what got people hooked on me and you should see them too.  You will learn all about my poop, barf, escaping from places, digging in the indoor cave with the glass stones, teaching myself to knit, and all of my adventures. 

You will probably wonder why sometimes the backyard dogs call me sticks-for-legs, ghost-boy, and why I let them pee on my head.  Yeah - it's all in those old posts. 

My Dad  is excited for Mom to be helping me with my blogs.  He says he thinks I'll be on the Jimmy Fallon show someday with my Mom because we are both whack-jobs which I think is a good thing because after he calls us that he kisses Mom and rubs my belly!  We like being whack-jobs!

Sorry I have to go now.  I write my Pupdates from my crate usually after Mom says I need something called a "time out" or when I just can't go any more and I drop like a wet noodle.

It is only morning here, and I already know I'm going to have the BEST DAY EVER because we are having company soon and I get so excited that I pee on myself and the floor and my new friends but it is really really worth it!

Hope you like my Pupdates and hope you have the BEST DAY EVER!  xox Ardie