Yep, today I decided to make more and more new decisions on my own cause I'm officially 5 months old and in dog years that means I'm....well...lots older now and should be making my own decisions about stuff I want to do.
Yesterday, I decided to pee on the floor right by the door where I go out cause my mom didn't see me waiting and waiting. Even with the eyes she says she has in the back of her of head, she didn't see me so I just went. We had a bit of a talk about it later, actually, I just listened and she talked. She says she wants me to bark or come get her when I need to go out, and I said to myself "well heck darn it all, why do I have to shout out I HAVE TO PEE and she doesn't go around saying it when she goes and if she is so psychic like everyone says she is why can't she just read my mind so I don't have to go announcing my potty needs all the time. Sheesh.
But today, I decided I wanted to be outside so early and I decided that after my potty, I would go see the backyard dogs and have a good run with them and that was a good decision. But then I decided to go to the digging pit where I get the zoomies (mom calls it the horseshoe pit) and once I get the zoomies my good decision maker stops making. It literally just goes off. Like a lightbulb. Dim. Ok, dark. O.U.T. Fini. Nada. Zero. Zip.
One thing led to another, and I felt myself rocketing toward the NONO place, the place next door in the woods of no return and jetting uncontrollably around and past mom. My ears turn off and my eyes must go blind as I become THE ZOOMER. the next thing I know, I hear the click of the leash on my collar and my mom's voice far far away in my head yammering about something having to do with scaring the living day lights out of her, I could get lost, she would die, and on and on and then I was on the patio until she could change her soaking wet shoes and have a drink of coffee.
Then, I made another decision. I was trying to get the cover off the patio furniture and the next thing thing I knew, I decided to have a cigar. Just that fast. Mom could see me on the patio, but ther is a little blind spot right where dad's table is and he left that cigar there weeks ago so I figured he left it for me. When she came around the corner to take a cute picture of me playing Mountain Ardie King of the Sofas, I was busted. She was NOT happy with my decision. I wish I had a camera thing to have taken her picture right then! Boy was her face all twisted and crazy! And by the way, her face got even worse when she picked up the cigar and found lots of teeth marks in it.....and it went downhill even faster when she kissed me in the kitchen and said I stunk like an old man after a poker party. That must not be a good smell to people.
By the way, when I saw her coming, I "pretended" I was chewing on the expensive newer wicker footstool. Mom says it is important that I always add things called adjectives to my noun stuff because then I will know how important things are in the human world. "Expensive and newer" must mean something is super cool or special. I will try to remember that, and will test things to get mom to tell me what stuff in our house falls in that category. Dogs only have a few adjectives: mine, not mine. Sheesh.
So, mom sent my DNA off to a lab to find out what I'm made up of. The adoption people told mom I was part border collie part golden lab/retriever mix. Mom is convinced I am a mix of Eastern European Selective Hearing Hound, Greater Motor Leg Mountain Dog, and Mini Kissy-face Collie. But it turns out that I am none of those and not even really border collie!
Mom is going to try to attach my DNA report to my blog for you all to see! The ONE thing I have most of is.......drum roll please.......Great Pryenese! Yeah! Go figure that my grandparents were Great Pyrs! Did you know that is where LEONBERGERS came from too? So I really am the smallest whitest non-Leo Leonberger there ever was! Take a look at my ancestors and I'm sure mom will be telling you more about this later.
We have a realtor coming soon to take pictures of our house and even though she and Deana cleaned yesterday, for some reason mom has a lot more to do now to get ready. So, while I am dreaming about making better decisions so I can have the best day ever without getting caught....I mean...without getting into trouble....I send you big cigar-flavored kisses and hope you have the best day ever too! Xox. Ardie the almost Leonberger
I think he has a body like a Vizsla.
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