That little naked puppy tried to get my pop bottle right out of my own paws! I was beside myself with disbelief! He snuck up, like crawling on his belly and then...I SMACKED down my paw on my pop bottle and gave him a LOOK! He just kept coming and the nerve of him, he stopped right in front of me and tried to get inside my mind! He stared at me, and tried a few times to sneak under my paws and grab my bottle and then he made a very loud grumpy noise that scared me so I lifted my grip to back away and he snatched it! My Mom made him give it back. It's only fair little bald puppy.....mom won't let me near YOUR toys and if I even put a toe on your precious blanket she freaks out...so here's what I have to say to you: get your own pop bottle!
Mom gave him a wooden spoon and was teaching him how to bang on things like the metal trash can and stuff. I guess they like that kind of thing. Then, mom got caught teaching him something Dad said was inappropriate and mom had to stop it. She and I both thought it was funny, cause we are smart and know that bulls and cows say "moo, moo, moo" but when Sawyer-puppy picked up a toy bull, for some reason, mom forgot what they say and she was telling Sawyer-puppy. "This is a Bull! A B.U.L.L. And what do bulls say? They say....crap, crap, crap! Haha bull-crap!" And then Dad came in and put a stop to it. Mom said the rest of the puppy-kids grew up ok......
And then yesterday I had my second real bath here and I'm too big for the sink now so I got to get inside mom's jet tub which I have been trying to climb into but now that I know what it's for I'm not interested any more. So, I was having the best day ever being outside with mom while they did yard work and I go to run with the backyard dogs. I run behind the bushes, along the fence, and behind he barn. I was being so good! When it was time to go in I came right fast when mom called me but then I knew something was going to happen because mom said "OH ARDIE!" in her M.O.M voice.
Actually, I had a clue that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't gonna like how I smelled, but I had no idea what I looked like. I had to have a time out in my crate until she could clean me up. She was telling Dad "you should see that dog! He is covered in some black, greasy smelling crap, and I mean CRAP and I think he ate some of it UUUUGGGHH! HE STINKS!"
I was so sorry. I could not even face them. I kept my face to the wall in my crate and when I go out, I tried to melt into the floor. I think I really messed up. Then I got a bath and I stood as still as a statue in that tub, and let mom dry me too. Now, I'm nice and clean and mom noticed I'm getting fancy pants! She says it is where my butt and back legs are getting long fluffy hair that is really soft and some Leo people cal it "pants" but she calls it butt hair and thinks it's cool. I guess the bath brought out the best of me!
And today , I frustrated Dad because when he turns into "shape-shifting-zombie-dad" I hide. Mom says its just a hat but I don't believe it. Mom is trying to train dad about how to help me through it but she says dad is an OLD DOG and sometimes old dogs can't learn new stuff too easy. But at night, when zombie-dad is gone and my REAL dad is back, I sleep on him all during TV time and I'd sleep on him all night if they let me. So, maybe he will cut me a break and help me get over it. Mom has an idea that maybe if I pee on his work hat and pants, it will show me it's really dad under there and not zombie man. I don't know if that is the best idea mom's had.
So have the best Sunday ever and I'll keep you posted on my progress with that thing in the baggy pants, big boots and stinky ball cap. Xox Ardie
No comments:
Post a Comment